Letters to a Timelady
by Casbriel
Summary: Hi, this is a story from my penpal and I's conversations. If the grammer is bad, it is because I took these straight from the emails. Thanks. Oh, this is a Captain Story from the Not So Alone AU.


**Hi, still working on Not So Alone. Anyway, here is a story that is not completly mine, but also my Doctor Who loving penpals story. Anyway-Allons-y! Anyway, this is what would happen if the Captain had a penpal...**

From: Marian

Hey! Hi I'm Marian and I hail from Raxacoricofallapatorius, although I am originally from Canada. Long story short I walked into a blue box met a man in a fez who insisted on taking me some where interesting. Personally I would have settled for Scotland in the late 1800's but he said that queen Victoria had banished him. Anyway we ended up here and while he mumbled something about Sherlock Holmes screwing up the space time continuum, I found an small cafe with Internet access, and well here I am! Anyway I'm off back to watching charlieissocoollike

Marian

From: The Captain

_**Awesome. tell your madman in a fez. there are more timelords**_.

From: Marian

Haha, so how's your Saturday going? I am hoping it rains so I don't have to mow the lawn!  
Living the dream (not really though)

From: The Captain

_**I personally love the rain. Hows travelling with the Doctor?  
By the way, don't tell him but the Masters back**_

From: Marian

I love traveling in the TARDIS although I prefer when River drives it is so much smoother, I met Mark Twain yesterday and I also managed to watch the first manned mars mission land on mars later that day, the doctor seemed slightly concerned about the water that they were using on mars but shook his head saying something about fixed points in time.  
I don't think it will be long before the master comes knocking on the TARDIS door anyway so best not worry the doctor about it just yet. Has the master regenerated? Because I kind of liked the insane blonde he was before he and the time lords vanished ( I managed to trick the doctor into letting me access the tardis records since he seems to have voice locked them, I had to see what the master looked like since the doctor always mentions him) I hope to meet either Arthur Conan Doyle or Sherlock Holmes tomorrow depending on whether or not we are able to cross into a universe where fiction is non fiction and where tom sawyer is a real boy who wrote a novel on a man named mark twain. Although I really should avoid the horror section of that universe the movies are horrifying enough imagine if they were real!?

From: The Captain

_**No, The Master has not regenerated. he is still blonde. I also don't believe he will come knocking any time soon. I guess you can tell the Doctor. Tell him the drums are gone. Kosch is no longer in "I'm going to destroy Earth" mode. And you can tell the Doctor The Master is no in the position to do much. I've got my eyes on him. Oh and when you tell him watch his face, then tell me what it looked like. Have to go, vortex and time-lordy issues with Kosch**_

From: Marian

Hmmm... Okay I'll mention it, but he will probably get over excited. So did any other time lords manage to escape, after Gallifrey fell? Or is the master the only one left? Although I'll bet that romana and the rani may have escaped as well.

From: The Captain

_**I'm honestly not sure. the Master and I made it out. I don't think anyone else did, only the ones who ran made it. I think and I am very any more travelling? **_

From: Marian

Not much, we have been too busy trying to break out of a judoon prison ship, to have any adventures. Long story short the judoon had been hired by the emperor of a minor planet in the crab nebula to imprison an adipose princess and the doctor decided that the two year old princess was innocent and missing her parents so we took her home, but not before a week long imprisonment for attempted escape, thankfully the doctor had borrowed a cloak of invisibility from some kid named Harry potter (or something like that) and we skipped out on our life sentences by sonicing the doors and using the squareness gun to get into the closet in which the tardis had parked itself earlier. It's been an interesting couple of days.

From: The Captain

_**I guess so. During your imprisonment did you tell the Doctor about the master. hmmmm. It would be fun to see his face. I love sqareness guns, unfortunately someone blew up the factory and planted bananas. I'll ask the Master about Romana and The Rani. He was on Gallifrey more recently. Unfortunately our TARDIS is broken. so right now I'm stuck in 2012 USA. Speaking of which I should help Kosch fix it, for all i know he already blew it up.**_

From: Marian

Yes I told him, he didn't seem too surprised,just concerned. I guess that the master has escaped death so many times that it is almost becoming a normal occurrence for the doctor.  
I'm sorry about your tardis, and I hope you get it running again.  
I love squareness guns too only I wish that the special features wouldn't drain the battery so quickly!

From: The Captain

_**Yes! As for my TARDIS, I told Koschei to not try and fix the stabilizers. He did not listen and then he screwed up the dematerialozation circuit. It's almost fixed, I hope. Was he concerned Kosch was going to destroy the world again? I think the only thing he will be destroying for while is my dematerialization circuit. **_

From: Marian

Haha why did you let him try to fix it!? Try not to rip a hole in the space time continuum when your tardis explodes! That could be messy.  
What mark is your tardis?

From: The Captain

_**40. My TARDIS will NOT explode. Not while I'm alive. I didn't let him. He did it while I was yelling at the Judoon. they are thick. Did you know that? Well, the Doctor probably told you.**_

From: Marian

Let's hope!  
Yes judoon are famously incredibly thick, and explaining to them that it wasn't you who had let prisoner zero escape, is hopeless I was obviously in 170 B.C Interviewing roman farmers for the book I am writing on ancient roman workers, and the doctor was explaining the concept of teleportation to a store owner, who had apperantly been kidnapped by a species of alien that resembled what a baby of a walrus and a gorilla would look like, with a bit of giraffe thrown in and covered in scales. ( turns out that it was having issues repairing its teleport, so the doctor helped him fix it so that he wouldn't terrorize the "primitive humans") anyway I wish that the judoon would use their tiny brains a bit more often then they do on a day to day basis.  
So have you been anywhere interesting lately?

From: The Captain

**I think I almost fixed my dematerialization circuit. Koschei hasn't screwed anything up yet. (wait. there went the brakes. ) wow, I spoke to soon. Well. i might need those brakes for flying the tardis. this will be problematic.**

From: Marian

Haha, sounds like you are having a blast! Brakes are not optional bits of equipment and good luck fixing them!  
The doctor too is fixing his TARDIS, something was wrong with its shields, so he is fiddling with all the wires under the glass floor.

From: The Captain

_**Hah. The shields... don't believe I have any. Might be smart to get some put together. People are always trying to blow up blow up my TARDIS. I know Koschei might have killed some people and all, but do they really have to try and destroy my TARDIS. I mean seriously. I need my TARDIS.**_

From: Marian

Yes I imagine life without time travel ( for some one who has never been with out it) would be very dull! The people trying to blow up your tardis are stupid, they would be better off stealing it! What can you do with an exploded tardis? Nothing but with a working one you can sneak into comic con or a movie that comes out in three years!  
Although they am also get into a ton of trouble and screw up history by making ww3...

From: The Captain

_**Most likely. If you think traveling with the Doctor is hard; multiply that by 10 and thats what travelling with the master is like. I cant go anywhere without someone trying to kill us because the master "killed my (insert relation here)". Its good fun though**_

From: Marian

Oh I bet, must be exciting! I'm fine with traveling with the doctor, we have daleks chasing us because we managed to foil their plans AGAIN or judoon because the ruler of some planet need revenge for the failure of his attempt to capture the sun inorder to have a better lite dining room... The doctor couldn't let him do that as it would destroy earth. Well as long as the master is content to travel in the tardis he is using now and won't steal ours, then all good luck to you!  
So is your TARDIS fixed now?

From: The Captain

_**Well it was. Unfortunaty, our first trip went wrong and now we are fudging stuck again in the US. again. I'm really fed up with people trying to kill me and Koschei. The Doctor is difficult, trust me. I went to the same academy as him. **_

From: Marian

Really? how long did you study at the academy?

At least you are stuck in the US, you could be stuck on some god-forsaken planet with plasmavores stalking your every move!

Personally I'm happily in the stone age following a group of early humans, it will help me write my essay for my biology class, which will be due in around 2.1 million years. That gives me plenty of time!

Although it's beyond me how "sonicing" my laptop allows it to have Internet all these millions of years before it is invented...

From: The Captain

_**I went to the Academy with the Doctor. I was a year behind him. As for how long I studied, a few years,welll... by few years I mean 8. Plasmavores are creepy. And that sounds like some fun research. The US IS SO BORRRIIIINNNNGGGGG. I hate the slow path. TIME PASSES SOOOOOO SLLLOOOWWWWWLLLLYYY. Soo...Just so you know I hate the slow path, it passes soo slowly. Well, just need to put up some shields and I should have my TARDIS fixed. Next stop, is Barcelona. The planet, not the city. The dogs have no noses.**_

From: Marian

Of course, the slow path is very boring but I need slow days to relax after an exciting trip. I have heard of Barcelona, we haven't gone but I read about it in the universes 2nd biggest library ( apparently the largest library has had a major infestation of Vasta Nerada, whatever that is and we can't go anymore) so does anything exciting happen in Barcelona? or is it a planet that smells so bad that the dogs got rid of their noses?

From: The Captain

_**I don't actually know why the dogs have no noses. Stay away from the Vasta Nerada. They scare the heck out of me, word of advice, always count the shadows. Or just stay out of the shadows. I've never had a reason to be stuck on the slow path. It is slow nd boring. So, whats the Doctor up to?**_

From: Marian

I will avoid and unaccountable shadows, as I have absolutely no desire to be left as a skeleton any time soon!

We haven't done much, currently we are bowling in one of the far rooms within the tardis ( Its huge in here! so many rooms! you must know how large tardis's are seeing as you have one, but they really are massive!)

For what ever reason the doctor managed to fill his pool with piranhas and so my swimming practice has been delayed until such time as there are no vicious fish within the water. He says that piranhas are actually too afraid of humans to tear them apart, but seeing as he doesn't even know how they got there I think I'll stick with bowling. Maybe this is Rivers idea of a joke.

Avoid the slow path its an over crowded trek through life. Time travel is a godsend for anyone who suffers from chronic boredom.

From: The Captain

_**Yes! Time travel is brilliant. Remember, the doctor lies. the piranhas will eat you.**_

From: Marian

Yes I know "rule one" as river says.  
I wonder what poached piranhas taste like...

From: The Captain/Master

_**Hmmm. Interesting thought. Well, thats a good question. Anyways(Koschei. noooo. my )**_

_Sorry Ape, the person you wish to speak with is no longer able to finish this communication.  
The Master  
MY NAME IS NOT KOSCHEI! IT IS THE MASTER. MUHAHAHA_

From: The Captain

_**Sorry, I'm back. I might have let Koschei have some sugar yesterday and wll you saw the result. He SHOT me! How rude is that? I had to regenerate and I'm still not ginger again and my TARDIS is broken again. I hate regenerating. It's not fun and this regen has quite a gob and I'm BRUNETTE AGAIN. I've always ended up brunette. Never once blonde. I was ginger once, but still .this is infuriating amd stuff like that. wow rambling. this message probably makes no sense to you. and my typing is atrocious right now and all that so if this doesnt mke sense. Im sorry and all that. well this is fantastic.**_

From: Marian

Thats rather rude of him shooting you... didn't he know you would just regenerate?

I was too busy yesterday to check my messages due to a rather unfortunate situation which resulted because the doctor forgot about the piranhas and allowed the pool to be emptied and the water replaced, which resulted in a lot of dead piranhas which I had to help throw out. I still reek of dead fish!

Tell the master that he himself resembles an ape!

I was brunette but although i didn't regenerate I am now a red head not ginger but dark red hair. There is this marvelous thing called "hair dye" and it works wonders. Im sure you can find a decent shade of ginger. Do all time lords want ginger hair or is it just you and the doctor?

I'm off to go get some new bandages, I didn't know that dead fish could still snap their jaws on your fingers... I hope they weren't rabid!

From: The Captain

_**He just wanted the computer. Piranhas may be rabid, it may depend. Hair dye doesn't work. I've tried. I'm not sure about other timelords but I wan to be ginger again so i can be like " I'm th Captain and I'm ginger and I will devour your soul" I mean seriously how many daleks would be like exterminate insteasd of what the heck. i can use being ginger to help annoy people and things and blobs. **_

From: Marian

maybe get the master a computer as a present. Thankfully our TARDIS ran some tests and I don't have rabies so I should be fine.  
So you support the whole "gingers don't have souls and will steal yours" sterotype thing?  
I'll bet the Daleks would just die out of jealousy because they don't have hair red of any other color!  
I personally love ginger hair and I wish I was ginger but I don't look good in pale hair, I realized that after I bought and tried some strawberry red hair color...I need darker hair to look decent.

So any difficulties with this new regeneration, other then lack of spellcheck?

From: The Captain

_**Okay no rabies thats always a good sign. I would get Koschei a computer but last time i did. well it involved my TARDIS almost exploding. so something yeah. and actully it is not a stereotype because there iss a race of soul sucler gingers out there. sso yeah. other than lack of spellcheck. I kinda ramble and im a clutz. bit rude but thats about it.**_

From: Marian

haha well thats not too bad then.  
definitively keep the computers away from Koschei then, that is rather disturbing...how cam you blow up a TARDIS with a laptop?

I spent the whole day dry walling, because apparently although timelords can use time travel, have TARDIS's the size of small moons on the inside and look very small on the outside, and are supposedly millions if not billions of years more advanced then the humans, you still don't have a quick and easy way to install dry wall which a TARDIS managed to fly straight through!  
We ruined a wall of a little old lady's house, and she told the Doctor off until he promised to fix her wall, I do wish he would let River tutor him on basic TARDIS navigation. He says his previous regenerations had been excellent pilots. I just wish that he had retained some of that knowledge.

From: The Captain

_**Well, do not believe him. He was never a good pilot. He failed the test and he leaves the brakes on and always has.  
As for the laptop/exploding TARDIS thing, it's a long story involving a laptop, a laser screwdriver, and custard. It went very wrong and he only did it to his. I'll ask him real quick... He said he only did it because Angry Birds wasn't loading. Angry Birds!**_

From: Marian

So is angry birds the best game in all of space and time? There must be other ones equally as entertaining!

From: The Captain

_**Well. According to Koschei it is. I personally could care less.**_

From: Marian

So while traveling all of space and time do you two find time to play temple run?

From: The Captain

_**Yes. We have played temple run. Not my favorite. Koschei trying to pilot the TARDIS to take us to New Earth. you should have the Doctor take you there. Watch out for the cat people**_

From: Marian

The doctor told me about the last time he was there, he seems to think he witnessed the death of a billion year old Capitan Jack (aka the face of boe) I have met Capitan Jack and he was awesome but very upset over the loss of Ianto.

I have never liked cats and I would hate to see them as Humanoids! The proud arrogant self centered beasts that they are!

From: The Captain

_**Yes it is a very ood planet. i mean odd. Ood are fun. Have you ever met an ood. they hav two brains and tentacles. They are brilliant!**_

From: Marian

No I haven't met one but I did see a hologram of one at the universes largest mall, well technically it's a whole solar system with one planet for shoes another for shirts and even one for brooches! I really enjoyed the week I spent there...The doctor just like any man got bored witless and while sitting on a bench discovered a invasion of alien moths which planned on eating all the coats on the coat continent on the planet of 'clothes for cold weather'. took him 6 days to handle the situation, I was obliviously shopping for hairpins.

From: The Captain

_**Thats brilliant. I have been to that mall. I got bored. It went the opposite for Koschei and I. He was shopping while I got super bored. On the bright side, I got a new leather jacket there. Anyway, is it just you and the Doctor travelling? Or does he have other companions? To Koscheis dismay, we picked up a 13 year old human in Indiana. Her name is Olivia. Unfortunately, Koschei insists on calling her a stupid ape.**_

From: Marian

For some reason I am not surprised to find out that the Master likes shopping... I wanted to buy a teleporting T-shirt which supposedly teleports you when you press some nearly invisible buttons that blend in perfectly into the shirt but the Doctor said that those shirts have a tendency to teleport without their owners, and I do not fancy having my T-shirt leave me half naked in the middle of the street!  
I bought a necklace with some low power nano-genes which can fix minor problems such as paper cuts and headaches.

We picked up a psychic beta fish on a ice planet, we found it in a zoo and the doctor was impressed with its telepathic and it's ability to predict the future so he 'liberated' it and we took off sadly there was an incident in which some Sontarons shot at the tardis while its force fields were being upgraded and in the crash into the nearby asteroid, the poor fish fell out of its tank and sadly tumbled into the piranha infested pool, that I mentioned earlier. Ironically the doctor only upgraded the shields because the fish told him he would be under attack by some of the most advanced Sontaron technology.

Poor Olivia, how did she manage to get into your TARDIS?

From: The Captain

_**Well Olivia may have been kidnapped by Koschei. There has been some debate on that. He swears up and down he didn't. Olivia swears he did. It is rather complicated. But she asked to come and I said she could so. I am sorry about your fish. It is nice to know the Doctor is still 'liberating' things.**_

From: Marian

so the Master kidnapped a 'stupid ape'? you would think he would know better! Maybe he should have found one that he thought 'less stupid'

The Doctor and River ( who is an occasional companion) are now planning on liberating ourselves from a rather drafty prison cell that was built under a iceburg on a planet whose orbit is locked meaning that one side always faces the sun while the other always faces away from he sun, as you can guess we are on the cold and dark side, no thanks to the Doctors fail proof ways of getting into trouble.  
Personally I am not to cold or worried, I know that River will find an easy way to slip out unnoticed, our only problem is that A) I am bored and B) the TARDIS is on the sunny side of the planet and we have no transportation... well not any until River manages to think of a way to 'acquire' transportation to the sunny side.

Anyway supposing I don't die of hypothermia/boredom we will hopefully be out of here in 15 hours, if River's plan works out.

Thank goodness for intergalactic WiFi and a mini computer which the guards didn't notice.

From: The Captain

_**He said she was less stupod than everyone else. But with him,all humans are stupid. I hate planets with locked orbit. They are either super hot or cold I think hypothermia is slightly more likely than death by boredom**_

From: Marian

I'm not so sure, I think hypothermia itself is a bit boring so in theory maybe I am 98% dead of boredom and the last bit of boredom required for death comes from the lameness of the we just got out, and I am slowly being rehabilitated into the exciting world.  
We were in there for 34 long hours, and because of a certain magnetic field of stuff it was impossible to sleep, they had rigged up he dungeons to make sleep impossible. So I couldn't sleep to avoid the dullness of my cell.

So how has Olivia adjusted to your TARDIS?

Hi, just want to say I won't be able to answer for a week since we are going camping in a part of the solar system that has no internet access so I'll tell you about our trip once River is satisfied that the Doctor looks rested enough! Sorry!

From: The Captain

_**Um. well, She is currently yelling at me to get off the computer. It's cool, by the way**_

From: Marian

THAT was tedious!

no internet for a week! Well atleast I didn't run into any black bears or daleks, to be honest I would rather meet a Dalek atleast they would kill you instantly and not claw your skin to shreds.

From: The Captain

_**Ha! I got trapped in the time vortex for a week. Koschei dropped part of my dematerialization circuit and Olivia spent the entire week yelling at me.**_

From: Marian

Wow! busy week then?!  
so did the dematerialization circuit get damaged?

From: The Captain

_**Yep! And i have no clue what Kosch did to the tardis. but its fixed. i think**_

From: Marian

What was he doing with the dematerialzation circuit anyway?

From: The Captain

_**same thing as last time 'fixing' it**_

From: Marian

haha... you should Koschei-proof it!

From: The Captain

_**Ive tried. Maybe I can bribe him! I can give him his laser screwdriver back in exchange for him leaving the TARDIS alone**_

From: Marian

He still has that thing? well I guess it is more useful then a sonic screwdriver, it actually probably would have gotten us out of several situations which I would have preferred to avoid...

From: The Captain

_**Oh he doesnt have it. I do it got confinscated after the laptop incident **_

From: Marian

Well he does deserve that! so what else does a laser screwdriver do other then prematurely age people?

From: The Captain

_**Well yeah. Sorry bout the delay. We got arrested on Raxacorricofallipatorius because Koschei is apparently wanted dead or alive there.**_

From: Marian

No, problem. I myself spent a week in etiquette school. there is a planet in the western crab nebula where we had the misfortune to land. The blue inhabitants of the planet are very picky about etiquette so when I stepped out of the TARDIS and accidentally tripped, and fell onto someones lawn, they sentenced me to 7 days of etiquette school. I have been taught how to not trip over my feet. (I was bored witless and felt like drowning myself in one of the cups of tea they offered me.)

River also got sentenced but was in a totally different wing of the continent sized school. They liked the Doctor's bowtie so they let him off.

From: The Captain

_**Bowties are cool. I tried to get Kosch to wear one. Olivia says they are horrid torture devices. You should have the doctor tell you about the tux of doom**_

From: Marian

Bow ties are nice to look at but personally i think they are uncomfortable. (i borrowed one of his bow ties awhile ago, they are a pain to adjust.)

At least it beats wearing ties, how easy would it be to grab someone but their tie and choke them? I think the doctor gets in enough bad situations without having to worry about being choked to death by his own tie!

So what is the Masters favorite piece of clothing?

From: The Captain

_**Leather jackets surprisingly. Mine is chucks or leather Jackets. Leather jackets are cool.**_

From: Marian

Leather jackets are cool. I found the doctors old black one on the wardrobe, it was very comfy and warm. But I prefer cardigans and jumpers (sweaters) its hard to find a good looking cardigan, but there are some gorgeous ones that were a tad out of my price range. I don't care if it was made with sontaron belly button fluff 20 000 is still too much for an item of clothing. I haven't gone back to the Designer planet since then, mainly because we may have blown it up by accident when we tried to stop a slitheen invasion...

From: The Captain

_**Brilliant! Though I am not sure I would wear a sweater made of sontaron belly fluff. Weird. So the Doctor managed to blow up another planet. Brilliant!**_

From: Marian

Well everyone evacuated before it exploded, the casualties were mainly over priced shirts and shoes. Don't tell me that Koschi has never blown up a planet!?

You will have to imagine my disgust when I was touching a shoe and when I held it up it was the head of some alien spiecies which had been converted to a shoe! Yeech!

From: The Captain

_**Nice! Actually, Koschei have been working on him not blowing up planets**_

From: Marian

That's good, so the universe is momentarily safe from him?  
The doctor was telling me about the time he came across some dinosaurs on a spaceship, but the TARDIS began to malfunction so I am eagerly awaiting the rest of the story.

From: The Captain

_**Yes, momentarily. No guarantee, for the future. Dinosaurs on a spaceship? I remember that. I was there. I am very sneaky. It is interesting. Remind him to tell you.**_

From: Marian

He just finished telling me, I almost feel like congratulating you on your sneakiness!  
So has Olivia managed to destroy a planet yet? We humans are prone to doing such things seeing as we can't even take cre of our own planet which we depend on.

From: The Captain

_**No. Olivia is very preppy and just acts like she owns the place. She has never blown up a planet**_

From: Marian

Well preppiness can be a good thing. So why did she decide to travel with you?

From: The Captain

_**Well, did i mention early. Koschei might have kidnapped her. And well we havnt brought her back to her time yet**_

From: Marian

Traveling would make her less eager to go home though... She probably doesn't mind the whole kidnapping fiasco much. Running around is much more fun the school or shop keeping or what ever it is Olivia usually does.

You yourself wouldn't be traveling if you preferred to stay home.

From: The Captain

_**well. I would be traveling. And so woud the Doctor and Master. We cant go home **_

From: Marian

Of course not, but even if you could traveling is probably much more fun!  
Well atleast Oliva can go home when she is tired, it's nice to have a place to rest occasionally. It must suck to have your home Planet destroyed

From: The Captain

_**yeah. Wait, how many times has your planet almost been destroyed? If Earth keeps almost getting destoyed. you and Olivia might not have a home to go to. So whats new with the Doctor? **_

From: Marian

I just asked the doctor and he says just under 800 times. I do not know why we stay, as it has been proved over and over again it's not safe on earth. We have just been lucky but hopefully it stays like that. If it doesn't then I think I will resettle on this gorgeous planet caled Allopa, it has beautiful gardens.

The Doctor found a beanie ( a stupid hat with a little helicopter spinny thing on top . An abomination) and he has been wearing it for 3 hours. Me and river plan to incinerate it using a fancy setting on captain jacks old squareness gun which river has. The thing must DIE!

Does the master have a stupid hat?

From: The Captain

_**He has a hat. Oh. that was an alliteration. Ha. He has a hat. hmmm. Anyway, but its not stupid. He has one of those kinda scottish looking newsboy hats. And he insulted my bowler hat. Though, he hasnt broken anything yet. So, a beanie. I use to wear one in a previous incarnation. Although it never had a propeller**_

From: Marian

I have a knitted beanie, well that's what we Canadians call it. It's like a French artist hat just baggy-er and loosly Crotched or knitted, but his beanie is one of those things popular for kids on earth in 1980 or earlier- it is a brightly coloured bowl shaped hat which for no obvious or decent reason has a propeller coming out of the top. It is a terrible sight. River 'accidentally' dropped it in the pool but the doctor had fixed the little motor to be water and River proof. It is beyond me how he made the flimsy thing bullet proof.  
Any ideas on how to destroy it?

From: The Captain

_**Well is it laser proof? Or sonic proof? I bet that if you find the right sonic setting you could explode it**_

From: Marian

The doctor has set up some sort of 'no hat explosions' thing on his sonic, so it's useless.

The doctor rather stupidly left his beanie on the console before he left to go find a replacement self charging battery for his 'atmosphere disturbance detector' an River is currently adding In a very strong mini motor, which if it works will probably lift the hat into the air the next time the doctor flips the switch. So if we are lucky it will fly straight up into the atmosphere and burn up! he can find another atrocity to place of his head. He was eyeing a Mexican 'sombrero' yeturday... Oh Lordy!

From: The Captain

_**Really? I have a sombrero. Well I hav a big hat. Anyway you can have a no hat exploding setting on a screwdriver? Awesome. River should check the way the hat fits. You don't want the Doctor to burn up with the hat. Or maybe you do. I don't know. Do you want to burn up the Doc?**_

From: Marian

No we don't want him to burn up... Maybe just singe his hair... He has let it grow out to nearly shoulder length, River kind of likes it but I wish he would fix it.

I like sombreros but imagine trying to tell the Daleks off wearing the huge brightly coloured ting on your head! He won't be able to get into the tardis quickly and will get shot by what ever alien will be chasing us! I am thinking of 'health,safety and practicality. I caught the doctor talking to the console about punishments for hat haters soon after river hid the beanie in the rock climbing room, it was funny watching him the 1100+ year old alien trying to put on a harness to reach the beanie which was taped at the highest point of the rock wall. Rock climbing is not a very dignifying activity.

Of he gets a sombrero I want to do the Mexican hat dance!

From: The Captain

_**Yes! Olivia did that to the Master's sombrero. I was really gla I hadn't given him back his laser screwdriver.**_

From: Marian

Oh my gosh! You should have seen the look on the doctors face when his beanie just flew up and up and up...  
But he whipped out his screwdriver aimed it and stopped the motor river had installed and spent the next couple of seconds adjusting his position so he could catch it, while River an I facepalmed.

We had forgotten rivers motor is not sonic proof like the beanie motor.

Yea it's a very good thing you keep the laser away from the master, poor Olivia!

From: The Captain

_**Yeah, although them running around the TARDIS trying to kill each other was hilarious. Humans are so funny at times**_

From: Marian

I will place a bet that Olivia get to the master, before he gets to her!  
So how many regenerations does the master have now? Even the TARDIS records have lost count, I looked and all it said was 'more then anyone should have'

From: The Captain

**I honestly don't know. I'll have to ask him**

From: Marian

Hi again... It seems I have contracted Some sort of disease. I have a fever and a incredibly sore throat, I blame the doctor, he took me to a small planet orbiting a red dwarf star antithesis out realizing it was under quarantine! We are on our way to a hospital in 'new earth' where apparently they can cure this before it kills me! Of course his royal fezz-y-ness has two hearts and a time lord immune system that is almost impenetrable.  
It's not like I can regenerate after this infection claims victory!  
He keeps telling me I am over reacting, easy for him to say! This doesnt affect time lords!

*cough* *weeze* *sniff-cough* and repeat.

Don't take Oliva to planet migidolia in the migi star system located to te south of the medulisa star cluster, between years of 11 798 and 11 850 (local migi calendar) those are the dates of the quarantine.

From: The Captain

_**I was not planning to. Unlike the Doctor, I can actully fly my TARDIS**_

From: Marian

Well I wish you could give him some lessons! River says she has met the 15th regeneration and she says he can fly the TARDIS beautifully. He pretended not to know what she meant.

From: The Captain

_**Wow, Theta flying the TARDIS correctly. There has got to be something wrong with that regeneration. Anyway, I may hve exaggerated on my ability to fly my TARDIS. Although, you should tell River that even the Master leaves the brakes on.**_

From: Marian

Well I too would leave the brakes on if I were able to pilot a TARDIS, the noise is enjoyable.

Well I'll have to take rivers word for the future doctors ability to drive his TARDIS, I envy his future companions who won't be jerked and spun while tryin to land.

I believe you are probably a better pilot then the doctor he is a lost cause, well this regeneration anyway

From: The Captain

_**Well yes, all the regenrations I have known have been lost causes. Did you get arrested again? You took a while to respond. **_

From: Marian

No I wasnt arrested. What happened was I told the doctor that I had to answer a message on the 22 but when he landed us in turkey it was the 24 but I didn't notice, so we flew off and it wasn't till later I realized you wouldn't get my message for two days.

Time travel-less then perfect

But we have been kept busy, a weeping angel invasion wide out the population of glamoris the second planet orbiting the star macyhe we tried to stop it but we were too late.

From: The Captain

_**Wow, the Doc is starting to really screw up stuff. Isn't he?**_

From: Marian

He has always been screwing up! I can't really say its gotten any worse.

From: The Captain

_**Hmmmm. Well. At least when I fly my TARDIS I can get to the right planet**_

From: Marian

Well Count yourself lucky not to be the doctor!  
Although sometimes I wonder if it's the doctor who is a bit insane, or the TARDIS herelf who is a bit unstable...  
Actually it's probably both.

2 mad people off to see the universe.

From: The Captain

_**I know that feeling! Except for me, its three mad people and an angry human**_

From: Marian

3 mad people? and Olivia? I thought you were only traveling with the master and Olivia, who's the other person(s)?

From: The Captain

_**my TARDIS. She is rather crazy**_

From: Marian

Oh of course! but aren't they all?

From: The Captain

_**Yes. So has the Doctor ever told you about the ponds? Brilliant people they were. I met Amy when she was 10. They were very nice people**_

From: Marian

They were apparently a couple of decades ago, timelords age very well!  
River is as always around but I seem to notice that the doctor keeps getting more and more upset the further she gets in her career, she came dancing in informing him that she was to be lead archaeologist on several missions planned within the next few years. He looked ready to burst into tears.

I heard the story about the Ponds' deaths, I hope that won't happen to me!

From: The Captain

_**Yeah, they were good people. Don't tell the Doctor, but I may have taken Amy on a trip to a Beatles concert when she was 10. SHHHHHH...it's a secret. Actually, the Master didn't hate her. It was all rather amusing. Anyway, this regeneration says anyway a lot. Have you noticed? Anyway, I have been working on my spellchecking. Is that a proper word? English can be very confusing at times, and I never know if I'm using the word correctly. The Doctor was always better with languages than me. Well, (yes! I didn't use anyway!) Life is harsh and you never know if you will get zapped back in time by an Angel. Tell the Doctor that I'm sorry about River. She is/was such a nice girl!  
Formally signing this just for the sake of it  
The Captain**_

From: Marian

I met a captain once... we picked him up just as he was about to be eaten by some 'weevils' he said something about a Ianto and a Gwen Cooper, but forgot to finish his sentence and started flirting with me. I was flattered but I don't think my boyfriend would have liked that...  
The Doctor just said 'don't you start' but then River walked in and the Doctor threatened to throw Captn Jack out into space is he didn't leave his wife alone.

I will tell the doctor that you are sorry about River, although I am not sure what will happen to her. I hope nothing will happen to her! I really like her, she is a good friend

So why are you called the Captain?

formally signed  
Marian, Human but still as important as any Timelord, captain, doctor, or master.

From: The Captain

_**Captain Jack! Captain Freak as the Master calls him. He kinda gives me a headache. That's cause he is an important fact in time and whatnot. He will flirt with any thing with legs and a pulse. And some things without. Anyway, he's a cool dude. Gwen Cooper and Ianto Jones! They were brilliant, ya know. I think Gwen got married. I think it is Gwen Williams, now. Like Rory the Roman! Anyway, River is a great friend.  
I am called the Captain cause I am the Captain! That's my title. It's like the Doctor and the Master. You didn't think that was really his name? Did you? Anyway,(said it again) I think that you should call the Doctor Theta and see what he does. If he's anything like the old Doctor, he'll be like WHAT? It usually rather funny. And I have never met an unimportant human. So...I am awesome and such! Just to say the least. Blimey, I have a HUGE ego.**_

From: Marian

Really? well it has been awhile since I saw him.

I know 'doctor' is really his name but I figure he must have done something 'doctor' related to get that title, maybe a doctorate of poetry or something! I can see why the master is the master, but a captain is a new one.  
He has mentioned the 'Rani' but no one else.

I did call him 'Theta' he just looked surprised, and asked if it was that 'blasted correspondent'  
I said yes, and he said Theta was his name during the Academy days. I think he didnt want River to hear that name, so he muttered something about preferring Doctor.  
I think alot of Timelords have rather massive egos  
you just don't compliment the doctor unless you want him strutting around like a peacock for the entire day! What does the Master do if someone feeds his ego?

From: The Captain

_**Oh, Ushas! Well, never really liked her. Still don't know why she calls herself Rani. I was thinking about Commander, but the Master and Commander, bit cliche in my opinion.  
So I'm 'that blasted correspondent' how amusing! I wonder why he calls me that? *smirks and laughs at this point* I wonder why he doesn't want River to hear his name...hmmmmmmm. Anyway,(I said it again!) Not all timelords have massive egos, ummmmmmmm...wait, yeah they do. Maybe it's heridtary? I honestly would not know what happens when someone feeds the Masters ego. I don't allow it to happen. The Doctor as a peacock...omg that is priceless. The Master agrees too. He is currently reading over my shoulder.**_

From: Marian

I prefer the name Ushas to Rani, why would she change it? For that matter why do timelords change names?  
I agree captain does sound better then commander, don't timelords eventually run out of titles? Pity the timelord who gets stuck with 'janitor' as a title!

So captain, how many regenerations have you gone through? The doctor is at 11 and the master somehow managed many more then he should have had, and river used one but can't regenerate anymore.  
The closest I have come to regenerating, are those wonderful nano genes! I wanted a box of them for my own use, but the doctor said that if they got loose and didn't recognize the species on a planet, it could cause some severe damage.

From: The Captain

_**OH, nanogenes! Did he tell you about how he first met Jack. Anyway, unlike the Doctor, I don't burn through regenerations and I'm on my 6th. And I only regenerated cause the Master shot me. Not fun! I actually don't know if the ever ran out of titles. I kinda ran away when I was younger and never fought in the Timewar. I haven't been to Gallifrey in over 800 years. The Master just doesn't know how to die. I mean seriously, he's like the dog in a frankienstein movie. We change names cause sometimes we don't like our names or we go under cover**_

From: Marian

Well it doesn't take too long for the timelords to figure out that the Doctor was once theta and the master once Koschi.

Yesterday the doctor was really upset, turns out river is about to set off for the library. We are currently on a planet with a encyclopedia of all the people who have ever existed, and I looked for rivers name. I found her under both melody pond and river song, both died different deaths, one from hitlers shot gun and the other from electrocution at a planet known as the library. I figure what she does there is important for the doctor to not try to stop her, they have a date tomorrow so I am going to bury myself on the other side of the tardis possibly in the greenhouses, to give them some space.

6regenerations isn't bad, how many years can you manage on one body?

From: The Captain

_**Well, it depends on the person. The current Doctor I believe has been on his 11th body for over 3 hundred years. So yeah**_

From: Marian

It has been a while since he regenerated, personally I hope his last regeneration is not a grumpy or angry old man who doesn't want to die. Everyone has to die, its not something you can avoid forever. Even the master can't live forever.

The doctor has been really moody since river left, I understand why but I am slightly concerned that he will do something stupid, and by slightly I mean very.

From: The Captain

_**Yeah, well the Doctor has a while before he dies. He took all of River's regenerations. Long story. He always does stupid things. Your his companion, you should know that**_

From: Marian

He didnt tell me but the TARDIS has a wonderful memory file which I can sometimes look through, it has a lot of information on his first and second regenerations although I didn't find much about his third regeneration, but I did find out that he was unable to use his TARDIS for a period of time and that explains why there is no records.

We landed on a planet where the only thing they grow is grapes for wine, it was nice but the doctor is too upset to care much about where we go.

For a change nothing bad was happening when we landed, not a single Dalek invasion to prevent, I think this is the TARDIS's way of consoling the doctor.

Any recent adventures in your TARDIS?

From: The Captain

_**Welll...ummm...all adventures are classified apparently (the Master's rule) but, (looks around) we may have taken over a small planet.  
I didn't get to meet his third incarnation. I met his fourth though, multiple times.  
Seriously, why am I the 'blasted correspondent' not knowing is killing my ego**_

From: Marian

Classified adventures?  
Well you don't have to worry about the doctor trying to liberate that planet from you anytime soon, he is a bit too upset, its been a week, he has brightened up a little bit but he looks so sad when he is alone.

But on the doctors behalf tell the Master to not kill or enslave the native species...but its probably too late for that...

I think the doctor got upset one day 3 months ago when He was being'brilliant' and I was too busy typing to watch his 'brilliance' so his ego has been slightly mutilated.

It didn't matter to him that he stopped a nuclear war, it mattered that he had no audience when he cracked the code and prevented all missals from launching. I was in the TARDIS because it has the best internet reception.

'We can go anywhere! Absolutely anywhere in time and space, and you choose to sit and type on a website! you and you blasted correspondent!'

Quote unquote the Doctor.

From: The Captain

_**Ha! I swear that man has a bigger ego than I do. And that is saying something. We did not kill/enslave the native population. Actually, we had no intentions o taking over the planet. We were just trying to go shopping. Anyway, apparently the Master and I resemble two of their gods or something. **_

From: Marian

Haha only the master could turn a shopping trip into an invasion.  
So has being declared 'gods' been doing wonders for the Masters ego?

From: The Captain

_**Well he is kinda acting like the Doctor when he ge his ego stroked.. You know the peacock act. Anyway, I think Olivia nearly died of embarrassment. Afterwards, we all made popcorn and watche Zombieland and EasyA. Emma Stone movie night! Yay.**_

From: Marian

Oh yes the peacock act!  
I managed to convince the doctor to take me to the date of the hobbit part 1 2 and 3 primers the avengers 2 movie and star trek 2. the best thing about time travel is not having to wait an eternity for movies to come out.

I wanted to go meet my self when I was 2yrs old, but the doctor thought it would be too risky.

I really hate paradoxes.

So how does Olivia react to the Masters peacock phases?

From: The Captain

_**Well, just remember Olivia and the Master don't exactly see eye to eye. I had to save Olivia from being pushed into a supernova. It ws still funny though. I think Olivi is considering leaving. Anyway, you know how he shot me a while back. Olivia told me I should file a lawsuit for spousal abuse. It was funny to see the Master chase her around the TARDIS. She ended up in her room and I ended up being tackled in the library. His face when I said I was suing him was priceless. And then stuff happened so. Anyway, The Doctor refuses to take you to see your young self. How rude. Well not as rude as kidnapping someone and then trying to throw them in a supernova. But rude all the same.**_

From: Marian

You could file for spousal abuse, but you must know the Master, and unless you didn't know him before you married, I cant say his actions are too surprising. Its like marrying the doctor and expecting him to have good fashion sense, a lost cause.

So when did you marry the Master?

From: The Captain

_**Wow. I almost laughed. Almost.:) Anyway, the Doctor with good fashion sense. hmmmm. He just wouldn't b him, with fashion sense. When did I marry the Master? Well. ummm in my timeline weve been married for 389 years. His, not so sure. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey. Anyway, hisactions werent surprising. Part of the reason I laughed at Olivia for suggesting it. I think he was asleep when he shot me. He spent days trying to figure out why I had regenerated.**_

From: Marian

389 years? impressive, and you haven't managed to use up each others regenerations?  
So have you had any interesting regenerations? I was thinking that if anyone regenerated while in a relationship, that would put some severe strain on it.

From: Olivia

Hi, this is Olivia...uh,the Master and the Captain landed on a strange planet a few hours ago and are now missing. I was asleep for this and I am stuck on the TARDIS.  
Thank you,  
Olivia

From: Marian

Good luck finding the Master and the Captain!

From: Olivia

Yeah, they stil aren't back! I'm actually wondering if they never left the TARDIS and are hiding in a room or something. Wait,erase that thought...mentally scarred for life. Should be fun!  
nice to chat,  
Olivia

**There will be more! This just goes from June to Now. Ending with todays**

**Review!**


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